For Everyone Who Cares for a Child

When I think about the people who cared for Rona, I think about my sister, who answered every FaceTime from her. And every call from me on my daily walk outside, when I needed to process what was happening.

I think about my parents, who moved into a hotel across the country from their home so they could be available on the days I needed help. They put themselves close enough to be there when we needed them.

I think about my nieces, who spent their entire summer on FaceTime with Rona, keeping her occupied. They even set up a camera so Rona could watch their dog.

It was the friends who dropped off meals for us. And the friends who showed up with the not-exactly-approved margaritas and bottles of wine.

It was in the people who sat vigil outside the hospital on the days we could not have guests but needed to know we weren’t alone. They could not come in, but they did not want us to feel alone.

Did we, as her parents, bear the brunt of the caregiving? Yes. But those people also cared. And they did the important work of caring for the caregivers, too.

Caregiving does not have just one face

November is National Family Caregivers Month, a time dedicated to recognizing and supporting family caregivers (Caregiver Action Network). When I think about that recognition, I want to make room for the people whose care might not come with an obvious title.

Parents, grandparents, aunts, nieces, friends, and community members can all be part of that circle. Their responsibilities are not the same, and recognizing them does not mean pretending they are. But I know what those people gave to our family, and I want to name it as care.

I want to recognize the people inside the hospital, too. They did the hard work of caring not just for my child, but for me.

I think about their tears, how they have stayed engaged with us, and the ways they have found to memorialize Rona. I am grateful that my daughter continues to matter to the people who cared for her.

Caring for the caregiver counts

What stays with me is that these people did not only see what Rona needed. They saw that we needed care, too. Sometimes that meant spending time with her. Sometimes it meant answering the phone when I stepped outside.

At Rona’s FUN LAB, I want our recognition of caregivers to include that whole circle. The people caring directly for a child, and the people helping those caregivers get through the day.

This November, thank you to the people doing both. And to our family, our friends, and the people who cared for us in the hospital: I remember what you did for Rona, and I remember what you did for me.